carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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