Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize