Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
