If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize