Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
