I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
