i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
