She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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