All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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