this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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