why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
