If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she pinky promised me she was 18
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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