apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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