Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Panties = found
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
