peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
