so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
