My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
