guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
