Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
