physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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