Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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