Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
