I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize