DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
