Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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