my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
