I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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