I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
