We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
