Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
