I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
