I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
