Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
