here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
