before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
