There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize