Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize