Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
