a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Randomize
