I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
