When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
