If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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