on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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