Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
