Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
