I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
