my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
God, I missed his penis.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
