Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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