I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
