So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
