listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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