It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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