R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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