mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
