wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
