He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
