Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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