i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
