My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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