did you get engaged???
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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