How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
