I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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