babies were throwing up all over the place
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize