is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
