Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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