Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
