i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
