I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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