Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
