im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
