Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
