I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
