I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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