I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
