whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my phone needs a breathalizer
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish you could order shots online.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
