I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
